Dear
by Veras-Lucius
Summary: What will happen with Harry when Severus finds Harry's secret diary
1. Chapter 1

Severus was tired. His entire life revolved around those petulant idiots. They seemed to enter Hogwarts more and more brainless every year.

The fact that he was presumably playing for both teams so to speak didn't help either. That idiot Dumbldore  
seemed to forget he had a life and that he wasn't getting any younger. But no his cause was of utter importance.

The old imbecile put all his trust in that scared idiot. If the damn idiot wasn't competent enough to  
do a simple first year potion what made the old bugger think he would be capable of getting rid of the nose-less idiot.

He was tired! Tired off everyone.

The worst part was not having a suitable solution to his problem. For now, as always, the best thing was to play along his role in the War against the nose-less idiot.

As for today he was simply grateful that the day was over. Strangely enough there had been no incidents in  
any of his classes. He wasn't sure if it was sheer luck or the babbling morons were all sick.  
Maybe it was a virus that made them act seemingly normal. If it was a virus, all Severus could do  
was hope that it would last a long time.

But then again he couldn't get his hopes up. After all he wasn't necessarily known to be optimistic.

...

"Oh! Hermione." screeched Harry as he rubbed his forehead.

"Sorry. It's just that you're not paying any attention."

"I know i just can't concentrate. Not today."

"Not just today." answered Hermione sarcastically but it was to late Harry had space out once more

Harry looking out the window. The sky was a midnight blue and there were no visible stars.  
How could he tell his friends what was going on. He himself couldn't explain it.

It was all Dumbledore's fault. That 'wise' old man was always meddling in his life. Harry already knew  
what he had to do in relation to Voldemort. he didn't need that extra help.

Harry in no way was implying that he was ready to take on Voldemort single handily.  
He simply needed a bit of training.

At first, he was angry about this extra help he 'needed', now things were different.  
Harry's problem was no longer the anger he felt when the sole thought of his so desperately needed help, his problem  
now was that he wasn't certain what or how to describe what he felt.

Harry was at a complete loss. He couldn't even think about talking this with Ron and Hermione, especially Hermione.

"Harry come on its time for supper."

"Yeah go ahead you two I'll catch up."

"You sure mate?"

"Yes Ron I'll catch up."

"OK then."

Harry saw how both his friends made their way out of the library.  
He let out a big sigh as he gathered his belongings.

He made his way to the Great Hall in a state of oblivion.

A/N

I know such short chapter!!  
I'm so thrilled that I'm finally working on a Snarry Fic. At least on e that is being published!!


	2. Chapter 2

"Harry!"  
Ron had been ecstatically waving his hand in front of Harry's face for the past two minutes, with absolutely no results.  
"Hermione? Help."

"I don't know Ron I'm afraid we would have to smack him in the head again. But I'm afraid."

"Well he has been a bit on the odd side hasn't he."

"Well here I go."

_Smack_

"Mione! What on earth is wrong with you. Can't I have a meal in peace. Is it too much to ask!"

"Sorry mate but I had been trying to get your attention for two whole minutes after thinking I had been talking to you through half our supper. " His voice had concern spilling with each syllable.

"Why can't you just leave me alone for a minute. You have Hermione to talk to. You two have each other. Leave me alone."  
They watched as Harry picked his book bag and stormed out of the Great Hall.

...

He couldn't believe them they were so selfish why couldn't they get along and leave him alone every once in a while.  
He wasn't asking for too damn much.

He had been so angry that he didn't notice the speed in which he was walking, or who he would bump in if he didn't slow down.

Suddenly all Harry saw was black.

"Potter!"

Harry heard the most peculiar voice in the entire castle pronounce his name with the usual hint of disgust and disdain.

"Are you so inept Potter that you can't watch where you're going?" The question was entirely rhetorical.

"Sorry Professor." Harry practically ran away from the Potions Master. At the sight of the frightened boy Snape couldn't stop himself from smiling. An entirely out of character smile. It was a happy and joyful smile. But then again, his enormous hatred for The Boy Who Lived To Make Severus Snape's Life Miserable made miraculous things happen. Oh he hated that boy.

But Harry had left something behind. Something that was in Snape's plain view and that he picked up and took with him to the dungeons.

...

A/N  
I know extremly short chapter sorry. Thanks for your reviews!!


	3. Chapter 3

Snape had gone directly to his quarters that night.

He had needed complete solitude to investigate what it was that Harry had left behind. It was obvious that it was not a school book and it was most definitely not a library book related to any studies nor for entertainment. Snape knew for a fact that Harry was not capable of reading for school or fun.

He was sitting at his desk staring at the book.

He had opened the Book to a cover page expecting to find if not the title to the 'title-less' book at least Harry's name on it. But instead there was nothing. The page was blank as well as every page there after.

Thirty minutes later he had decided that he would retire to his bedroom and get his well deserved sleep. He would tend to the book on the weekend. And thankfully he didn't have to wait long. He was glad that tomorrow was Friday and that the weekend was a Hogsmead weekend.

The next morning Snape went to the Great Hall for breakfast. He had had a terrible night.  
He had gone to bed thinking that he would rest properly.

But he hadn't counted with the overwhelming anxiety that invaded his mind. An anxiety that robbed him of any sleep possible.

He was in a grumpy mood. And he just knew that the day wouldn't get any better.

"My boy you look terrible." You had no sleep am I wrong? I can see it in those dark circles underneath your eyes and your face looks paler. Poor children. you will be grumpier today."

_Poor children!_The old man very well knew that if there was any unfortunate person on this earth it was Snape. Snape who was obligated to teach and not murder the 'children'.

Snape honestly didn't know what was worse children or Voldemort.

He did know one thing and that was that Harry hadn't slept well either. It was practically written on his forehead right next to his blasted scar.

The day went by slowly. Snape could have sworn that it was suppose to be night time.

But the fact that he had been sitting in front of the same group of inept children proved him wrong.

He had given them their assignment and sat at his desk to mark a stack of essays. His mind had refused to coperate. He couldn't stop thinking about the damn book.

He was certain that it wasn't Harry's Potion notes. The idea alone almost made him laugh out loud.  
Their was any amount of things that could be written there.

It had to be a journal of some sort...a journal that contained what?

That was the question that haunted Snape until the end of the day. And the end had taken its time. He ate his dinner ina rush. And headed to his quarters as fast as he could. That was until he was intercepted by the Headmaster or more like Headcase.

"Snape! My boy. I would like to have some tea with you in my office if you don't mind?"

It was clearly not a matter of wheather he wanted to or not.

_Yes I mind damn old man!_  
"Of course not Albus. Of _course _not lets go."

Once in his office Albus proceded to talk about the lovely day he had had.

Snape couldn't bare the torture. He didn't understand why Albus insisted on talking to _him, _out of all the people in the castle, about quiditch.

Snape had thought that he wanted to talk about something of utter importance.

By the time he got to his rooms he was to tiers to even bother with the book.

To Snape's thrill he accoplished to get some sleep that night.

...

A/N  
Don't worry my lovelings He will get to read the journal in the next chapter i swear.


	4. Chapter 4

Severus was sitting in his favorite leather chair in front of the fire. He had had a very long day and was terribly exhausted. The task he had been working on all day was stressing him to an unimaginable level. When suddenly he found himself in awe. Finally all of his efforts and hard labor had paid off. There in front of him was the opened book. He lifted it off the table, on which it had been set while he cast every spell he could possibly think of, with utmost care. He closed the gap between them careful as if it would close again forever. And to his horror just as he began to read the book's contents it burst into flames. Leaving in his hands nothing but ashes.

Severus woke up in terror. He was soaked in sweat and he felt a whole in the midis of his stomach.

He looked around only to find himself in his bedroom. He then realized that it had all been a dream.

He had to admit he had never felt so much curiosity for any thing before. He turned to see his clock and noted that it was only five thirty am.

He would get to work on opening that book immediately. He just hoped that his dream didn't come true.

...

It had been two hours later and all Severus accomplished was to know that the book contained no dark magic. That was not enough to help him read the 'blank' pages or otherwise minimize his curiosity.

He looked up at the clock on his desk and noticed it was time for breakfast. He decided he would go because otherwise the old fool would come looking for him.

He grudgingly left his quarters and walked as fast as he could to the Great Hall. Where he proceeded to eat as fast as he could without alerting the twinkling old badger.

He could see that poor old Potter was looking a bit distraught this morning.

But just as he was about to leave, Albus decided to remind him that they had a bloody staff meeting. Something that Severus had entirely forgotten since he had been too preoccupied with his investigation.

He waited for everyone at the staff lounge while looking through some of the books they had on one of the shelves against the far left wall.

But to his disappointment there was absolutely no spell that was of any assistance.

He did know of one particular spell that he had learned in one of his travels after Voldemort's first fall. But he couldn't perform it without letting the old badger know. The inside of Hogwarts was enchanted to let Albus know when unauthorized dark magic had been performed. And Severus couldn't let Albus know what he was up to.

Towards the end of the meeting Professor Trelawney, out of all the people, presented Severus with the spell he was desperately seeking.

To be honest all Snape heard the idiot say was " all I would have to do is soak it in tea."

Snape didn't, nor cared to, know what it was the divination teacher wanted to soak in tea. But he had to thank her if only, silently, for offering her brilliant solution.

After the meeting he found himself in his private laboratory.

He was stirring with his right hand and holding an old book in his left. He put his book to one side so he could freely stir the cauldron while he put in the last ingredient in to the mix.

It was an old potion that would help him read the book with no problems. He had come across it when he had traveled to Egypt the summer after Voldemort's downfall. The end result had a very disgusting look to it, but he was willing to go through with it. All he had to do was to put the book in and wait for two hours while the book soaked in all the fluid.

The recipe called for a dozen dragon scales. He had been so disappointed when he couldn't find the scales until he remembered that he had an emergency stash just for an occasion like this.

He let the mix come to a boil and noted that it was at its best. He let it cool for five minutes while he went in search of the journal. When he returned he threw it into the yellow-green mucus fluid.

All he had to do now was wait, and no matter how impatient of a person he was all for waiting.  
It was only two hours after all.

A/N  
Yay the longest chapter yet!!


	5. Chapter 5

_Dear whatever..._

_  
__I'm not all certain how this works. I have never written on a journal or anything of the sorts. In fact I wasn't even going to use this. But then again I found you at the bottom of my trunk earlier.  
__You were a gift from Hermione who thinks I need you...who knows she might be right after all. Wouldn't be the first time. ..Miss I Know It All!  
__Although I don't know...She said something about ' oh Harry you keep things bottled up. You should at least try to write your feelings down. It helps you know.'  
__What feeling am I suppose to share or write down. Half the time I'm not even sure what I am feeling. All though I guess she might want me to talk about how much I hate the idea that the wizarding world depends on whether I kill Voldemort or not. I hate having that extra weight over my shoulders. I don't see why I can't just pack up and leave.  
__Why can't I just leave everyone on their own!  
__I hate people staring at my forhead everytime they see me. I hate haveing to take extra lessons! I hate that ...  
__I hate so many things...  
__I'm tired! I'm tired of so many things. Sometimes I wish I could disappeare...  
__Why can't The Boy Who Lived be someone else.  
__Well seeing as I can't write about my feelings, like Hermione wants, I'll just have to turn this book into soomething else.  
__Maybe I should turn you into a potions journal...ha-ha...oh wow that is very funny...If anything I could turn you into a book filled with my hate and disgust for that Greasy Git. _

"How dare he!! That arrogant brat! There is a reason for my greasiness! Besides I don't have to look presentable just for his comfort!" Snape ran his fingers through his hair in a mechanical manner and he turned the page.

_Dear..._

_Its been a while since the last entry...  
Not many things have happened or changed since the last entry.  
Although Ron and Hermione seem to be acting very weird lately.  
I'm not sure what is wrong with them. Maybe they have finally got the courage to admit that they are attracted to each other. If so it has taken a long time.  
Dumbledore called me in to his office today to let me know I will be training for battle. with none other than Severus Snape. My favorite teacher.  
I'm not sure why people think I'm Dumbledore's Golden Boy. I have the feeling he like to torture me. He knows I hate Snape. And that bastard hates me as well. But no 'he is a very talented wizard. The fact that occlumency didn't work doesn't mean this will be a fiasco.'  
Who does that old man think he is kidding. If Snape is so talented then why can't he see past his damaged pride and those blasted old resentments. Why can't he see that I am not my father. That I am arogant or that I hate the attention.  
It's not like I asked to be the Chosen One...But he will never see that will he.  
Why can't he just take all his talent shove it ...  
He exasperates me.._

The journal contained no dates. But Snape knew the meeting Harry had been talking about. Ever since the begining of the second term Snape had to give Harry extra lessons on dueling and nonverbal magic.

He had also tried to convince Dumbledore that it was in no way a good idea. But as always the old bastard had had the last word.

He hated having to see Harry any more then the required amount of time in Potions class.

But as always he had had no say in the matter.

...

A/N

I know it took a while. And its definantly not my best chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N  
The new and improved...

_Dear...  
__Finally! Ron and Hermione are going out. Apparently that was the reason they were acting weird around me.  
"We didn't know what you would think about us dating." Was all the explanation they could come up with.  
Apparently they don't get that I'm all for them being together. Or anything that keeps them from fighting and putting me in the middle._

Snape turned the page.

_Dear...  
Today was the first time I met with Snape. He is suppose give me dueling lessons.  
His rooms are simply yet stylishly decorated in brown tones. I was terribly surprised.  
I thought they would be green or black . If they weren't his rooms I have to admit they would be very comfortable.  
He let me in as he handed me a book and instructed me to read it in his most polite voice.  
NOT  
I wonder why he has refused to grow up and see beyond his bloody hate towards my father.  
I guess I should start reading now._

Snape once again turned the page. All the meanwhile wondering why the boy was so God damn daft. He hated him because he was just like his father. How many times did he have to spit the damn explanation in Potter's face in order for him to understand. That boy was every bit like his father. A glorified empty headed, arrogant, attention seeking trouble maker.

_Dear...  
Arggg!! I wish they would stop kissing!!_

Snape chuckled at the short entry. He himself hated the damn public displace of over raging hormones.

Snape couldn't understand why people thought it appropriate to practically suck each others face off in public. And in the process damaging the retinas of any possible witness.

He had witnessed the disgusting display in at least two occasions. And if his memory wasn't failing he recalled taking a total of two hundred fifty points away from the Griffindor house.

Dear...  
_That bastard!!..._

The entry was filled with tear marks rather than with words. He wondered who could possible make the burnett so angry as to cry his eyes dry. Snape continued to read.

...  
_I'm better now. He just frustrates me. He can't seem to see beyond his own damaged ego.  
...I should probably explain why I am so angry.  
I 'm not sure I can though...I just think about what happened tonight and my eyes fill with tears again.  
He is so arrogant and hurtful.  
Today I went into his office to get the blasted extra lessons.  
He began by insulting me. I'm not sure what gives him the damned idea that I am not capable of doing something so simple as to read.  
He then proceeded to 'teach ' me simple dueling techniques. Of course when I say 'teach' I mean insulted me while ordering me around.  
And then he had the brilliant idea of starting a little dueling match without even letting me know.  
Because making me aware of what he is going to do next would be against any teaching standards.  
So without being aware of what was going on I was hexed into oblivion.  
Suddenly all I saw was white.  
Only to come to my senses a few minutes later, or so I was told. He gave me a potion to help me "gain energy enough to walk."_ _And be kicked out of his office with a rain of insults once again.  
I didn't hear most of it mainly because I was still to weak. But what little I did hear ordered me to be always aware that_

He had thought that a simple hex could teach the boy something, but he had been wrong. He had made sure not to give away any clue that he was planning a duelling match. The reason had been simple.

The boy should consider himself lucky. Voldemort would have killed him instead of simply causing him to faint. Or giving him a chance to defend himself.

Yes it was true that one of the bastards he worked for was a dramatic lunatic, ok maybe they both were, and would like to play with the boy before finishing him off. But it was also true that Voldemort was pity less arse whole who could at times care less about giving people the time to defend themselves.

"Look what happened to your parents Potter."

Snape thought that if the Boy could only keep his head straight and stop thinking that things were as simple with Voldemort as they were with him they might, just might, get somewhere with these lessons.

And interestingly enough, and contraire to what anyone could say or believe, Snape had no wish to kill Dumbledore's Golden Boy.

A/N

ahhh...short chapter I know.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N  
Sorry about last chapters blunders. I have to admit my poor amount of sleep and exhaustion are to blame.

* * *

_Dear...  
The man is down right impossible to get along with.  
To him anything that comes out of my mouth is anything but worth listening to.  
I try asking questions. And what do I get "Potter Have you honestly no common sense what so ever!"  
Maybe if the man had any sense of what the meaning of teaching is things would be much smoother.  
To him apparently teaching is reduced to, like I've said before, ordering me around.  
He lacks a total sense of explanation.  
If I were to so much as ask why sometimes its better to use one spell instead of another, that mind you are relatively the same and therefore lack a significant amount of differences. He would simply reply in a very exasperated manner__ "Potter I am here to teach you not to supply you with a brain."  
Argg...I don't think there is anyone alive that happens to be so damn difficult.  
he also has this ludicrous idea that I am a brat...What on Merlin's fucking name gives him such a wronged idea.  
And even if it was true how does that affect him.  
I am not asking questions out of pure whim but because if he so much as acted like a teacher there would be no need for questions.  
But no the man is too proud to recognise that his methods are anything but effective.  
I honestly do not see how Hermione can learn anything and on top of that defend him so much.  
Her bloody speech is something that also frustrates me.  
"If you so much as tried Harry. But you slack off. And may I add you let your dislike get in the way of your learning."  
At least my dislike is for him and him only!!  
Unlike that greasy bastard who's dislike and grudge for my father and mates is only ninety-nine percent of the reasons why he despises me.  
I have only met with him on four occasions.  
And I seriously do not know how I am going to be able to put up with him for the remaining of the year.  
Which might I add is no where near.  
sighs many many sighs, painful ones at that._

Snape thought it better to simply continue. After all to make any comment in regard to the entry he had just read was way bellow his level. He did not need a stupid brainless brat telling him how to teach.

He was a very competent professor.

_Dear..._

_Today was particularly interesting. Snape decided to teach me how to summon things without a wand.  
I think he was in a decent mood today.  
Taking in consideration that the man was still a sarcastic arse whole.  
I have to admit that if it were someone else he directs those scathing sarcastic comments to I might even find them funny.  
Yes I have to admit the man has perfected Sarcasm to point were it even seems to be an art form.  
I wonder does one have to be a greasy old git to be so good at sarcasm._

Snape actually laughed out loud.

He was sure the boy's brain was so incompetent that it had even robed the poor boy of knowing that he had just made a perfectly crafted sarcastic remark.

And that made the entire thing even more humorous.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N  
oh lovelings I just read over the last chapter I posted!!  
I cracked up laughing!!  
OMG!!  
I hope it was half as funny to you guys as it was to me.  
Definitely my fave. chapter so far...

* * *

_Dear...  
I'm Feeling a bit pecky.  
And I have no snacksies. --sadness--  
Ron and Hermione are doing excellent by the look of it.  
Then again I don't think one can say other wise by the amount of PDA I have to experience.  
It can get pretty disgusting. You would think Hermione was "sensitive enough" as to not rub in peoples face her couple status.  
I guess its not only disgusting but sad.  
I mean after all...I am...alone.  
I should be used to it.  
I didn't have much friends when I went to muggle school. And my family was well...anything but that.  
I wish I could have chosen my relatives.  
Then again the Weasley's have become every bit of the family that aunt petunia and her clan weren't.  
I guess I can confide in you. I did cast a secrecy spell on you after all.  
Its just that if I write it down it will be like admitting to this...emptiness.  
Yes there is no other word for it.  
Its a feeling that creeps out from a corner of my mind that I wish didn't exist.  
I'm surrounded by two great friends, the Weasleys and by teachers that care about me...well except for Snape.  
I have this feeling that I wish would go away.  
There are moments when I look around and it makes everything worse.  
Sometimes it doesn't even have to be a group of people or a couple.  
Sometimes its one person that reminds me that there is no one there for me other than Hermione and Ron.  
I know they are not going to be there forever. One day they will marry have a family.  
And I will become the uncle that has always and forever will be alone.  
I doubt there is any guy out there that will look at me and not the scar or the bloody role I will or did play in the war.  
Then again I'm assuming I will win.  
Maybe my role in life itself will be to save the Wizarding world and die in the crossfire.  
Maybe I'm nothing less than a martyr.  
Regardless of how much I hate that word and the glorification that it comes with.  
In that case making new friends and finding love would a futile effort._

Snape understood the entry in its entirety.  
He understood what it felt like to be alone ...empty, in Harry's word.

What had he accomplished in his life after thirty-five years of walking on this planet.

Nothing. He had accomplished nothing.  
The answer was simple and sad.

The only thing he had accomplished was to slave himself to two dramatic, manipulative,vicious,and lunatic masters.  
And that hardly deserved to be considered something.

The truth of it all was painful even revolting.

But wait had Harry written a guy? Not a girl?


	9. Chapter 9

"Harry Fucking Potter is gay!"

Severus didn't understand why, but this change of events caused his mind to formulate many questions all at once in his head.

Well, it wasn't much of a change. It wasn't like this would affect the out come of the war or anything.

Although it might change the perception that the wizarding world had of Harry.  
This in no way meant that they were predjudice against homosexuals.

In fact two of the founders of Hogwarts had been gay themselves. Not to mention Dumbledore.

There had always been an understanding and acceptance.

But things always changed when it came to famous wizards.

There would be many witches who would be disappointed and many wizards who would become hopeful.

Severus knew for a fact that not many people knew about Potter's sexual preference.  
But then again how many "close friends" knew about it?

Severus was so glad that his preference didn't matter to anyone.

_Dear..._

_I feel very blissful today.  
NO reason for it. It's just a feeling  
Although i had a very strange dream._

_I was in a house looking for someone.  
I moved in and out of the rooms and i could find him/her.  
I was starting to get a feeling of frustration mingled with a sense of loss and sadness.  
When suddenly the person came in through the front door.  
I was filled with happiness and any negative feeling that had taken over me were soon gone. _

_I don't know who the person was. All I know is that the person made me happy.  
I think the dream has allot to do with my current mood.  
Today I have extra lessons with Snape.  
I hope things go well. _

Severus knew enough about the human mind to know that sometimes dreams meant allot.

Dreams came from our subconscious. Most of the times they helped us cope with feelings that we kept bottled up.  
They could help understand ourselves in a better way. _  
_At times they could even be premonitions.

In this case Harry's subconscious could be trying to help him with the feelings of loneliness he felt when he saw his best mates together and happy.  
Or it could be trying to make him aware of his feeling towards someone.

If the latter was the case Snape's only question was Who?

Who might the Hero have feelings for?

He wondered how long ago Potter had written the entry. And how long before he discovered the person who he had feeling for was.

_Dear..._

_My meeting with Snape was a decent one.  
I actually had a good time.  
Snape continued to show me how to summon things without a wand.  
And he instructed me to practice a list of new spells.  
These are simple ones therefor he expects me to have mastered them by our next meeting.  
As if I didn't have things to do.  
I guess I could use the upcoming weekend.  
I will be alone seeing as its a Hogsmead weekend._

_I also noted something wierd while he was giving me the list of spells.  
__Snape has a very peculiar voice.  
Yes it is very intimidating at times. But it always has a velvety touch to it.  
If that's ever a description for a voice.  
Its a soft and deep purr.__  
_

_Today was very weird from the start.  
First the dream and now this._

Snape had to do something. His teaching had become enjoyable enough for Potter to wonder off thinking about his voice.

Why did his voice matter?  
How would Snape's voice help him to kill Voldemort.

The boy had to concentrate on his studies and nothing more.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N  
thanks for the feedback...I appreciate what little I get seeing as the rest of you are too lazy to simply review!!

* * *

_Dear..._

_Gee... the man must be PMSing or something.  
Actually that is extremely inacurate...He was simply himself.  
He is so dramatic in everything he says.  
He moves in a fluid swish of robes.  
Robes that seem to have been made for a person at least two sizes larger than himself.  
Yet he manages to sport the look very well._

_His features are defined, yet elegant.  
His eyes seem to hold a never ending depth.  
It's as if they said "come hither your in for something!"  
The only problem with that is you don't know what that something is.  
It could be something amazingly mind blowing or in a more predictable manner a hex that might as well send you straight to hell.  
Although the uncertainty of it all might just be worse than hell itself.  
__  
And even though his nose is not necessarily his best feature I can't bring myself to hate it.  
Its as if it can't be any other way.  
His body build is great.  
Not athletic nor husky.  
Its rather undernourished.  
But then again I can't see him any other way.  
Like I wrote before...He is elegant...  
There must be some royal blood in him._

_His features are aristocratic after all._

_And his voice.  
His voice is to die for..._

So the hero had a crush.

"Who, pray do tell."

_Dear..._

_I had another dream.  
Same scenario, But this time I saw his figure.  
Its strange the dream has this calming, and soothing effect on me.  
It truly is strange.  
I have the feeling that I know who that person is...But I can't bring myself to put a face to that body...  
The dream should confuse me yet it only makes me happy._

_Why does everything have to be so complicated in my life?  
Why does everything have to be ten times harder on me than the rest of the world?  
Why couldn't my life be like any other teenager's life?  
Why?_

Snape had asked himself those questions about twenty years ago.

And sadly he had learned that there were no answers.

* * *

A/N  
Teehehe... Short chapter huh?


	11. Chapter 11

A/N  
So Snape seems to be very oblivious lately.

* * *

_Dear...  
Be careful what you wish for.  
How I hate that saying!  
So I finally know who the man of my dreams is, so to speak.  
Ever since that first night I have been wondering who he is.  
And even worse why I feel so upset at the idea of losing him only to have him come to me and sweep me of my feet.  
Last night I finally saw his face.  
I can't say I'm disappointed.  
But that doesn't mean I know what to make of it.  
He's not unattractive, far from that.  
Although he is a petulant arse whole.  
The problem now is he doesn't like me.  
And then again I am still confused as to why its him.  
It is true that I don't hate him the way I used to.  
I even find myself enjoying the time I spend with him.  
Although he isn't easy to get along with.  
The more pressing matter here is why him?  
Why him? Over and over again.  
Its not like I love him or anything...right?_

Who?  
Who was Potter in love with.

And _yes_Snape dared bet his life on that word.  
It was obvious by the way he spoke of him that the Harry was not the least indifferent to that man.  
Whom ever he may be.

* * *

A/N  
I know its even shorter than yesterdays chapter.  
But in my defense this is better than nothing.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N  
Oh my fucking god  
So one of you decided to say something like "your intro said that Snape as Harry's dad not lover get it strait"  
Ummm hello but no that was not me!! I would never put that in an intro especially for a snarry fic!!  
I do not approve of those!!  
How the hell is sex suppose to happen between them!!  
So you get it straight!!

* * *

_Dear..._

_I came to his voice._

The entry was ever so discrete.  
Apparently the boy was now fantasying with his_ love.  
_And so Severus had no other choice but to continue reading.

_..._

_I was in the same house.  
I was still searching for him when he came from behind me and put his arms around me.  
I was a a bit startled, pleased, but startled.  
I felt him bend over and heard him whisper "To my room now" into my ear.  
His voice sent shivers down my spine and directly onto my cock._

_I wonder if that's how his voice sounds when its filled with lust.  
Eventually that's how I woke up and I just had to come...to his voice of course._

So the brat was enjoying his fantasies.  
Severus just wondered who the object of Potter's affection was.

_Dear..._

_The evenings with Snape are becoming very pleasant.  
It would seem the man has allot to teach at least without being an arse whole.  
As I have said before he is still sarcastic only its now charming.  
I wonder what he would say if I ever accidentally mentioned it.  
He would probably say "I am glad you find me so charming Potter. That is what I aim at when I'm trying to teach you something useful."  
Ever so sarcastic.__  
And charming._

Snape wondered if it was strange that he wasn't annoyed or angry but instead bemused.

A/N  
Sorry it took forever to post.


	13. Chapter 13

Snape looked over the next few dozen entries all in which Potter and that man were having a sexual encounter.

His dreams were discribed each time with more and more detail.

If Snape hadn't been a mature adult he might of even blushed.  
Although he did feel a little guilty for reading something private.

Of course he instantly brushed off that guilt.  
After all, if Potter would have been a little more cautious Snape wouldn't have the journal in his possession.

He very well deserved the violation of his privacy.

_Dear..._

_I am officially tired of Ron and Hermione.  
Their relationship is going to kill me before Voldemort has a chance.  
I can't stand to see them fight over the smallest things.  
I can't see a future in that relationship.  
At least not a peaceful one.  
On the other hand I am tired of having those dreams.  
At first they were wonderful.  
But like anything that starts off well in my life it all turns to shite in no time.  
I can't seem to be able to get rid of them.  
I wake up with a hard on and its getting harder and harder to see him.  
I can't do this any more especially because I am in love with him.  
Sadly I think I know him well enough to know that he feels nothing but contempt towards me._

Snape ignored the sad feeling and instead continued to read.

_Dear..._

_I can't do this anymore I just can't.  
I can't see him without my heart aching.  
He is so detached.  
Unemotional.  
So immune to me.  
_

_I wonder if he has ever been in love._

_I'm sure he is capable of loving._

_I don't see how someone who has held on to a grudge for as long as he has isn't capable of loving.  
He has to be capable of feeling some thing other than hate and anger.  
I'm sure Severus Snape can love someone even if that's not me._

A/N  
I felt like I owed you after three weeks of not posting.


	14. Chapter 14

Oblivious!

God damn oblivious.  
Severus couln't find any other word for it.  
Actually he could and they all ran along the likes of stupid and idiotic.

It had been so obvious.

He was the only available male bachelor.  
He was the only man who gave the damn boy extra classes.  
It couldn't have been anyone the boy met at Hogsmead because he had spent those weekends either studying the material Severus gave him or with Severus.

And he was so stupid for not seeing all this before.

But the question now was what to do about the boy and those blasted feelings of his!

* * *

Where is it?  
Where could it possible be.  
He had looked everywhere.

Where could the bloody journal be.

Harry cursed the day he had decided to write in the blasted thing.

He had looked in his trunk, in Hermione's, and even Ron's.  
Yet the result had been the same disappointing one.

It was nowhere to be found.

What worried Harry was not necessarily where it could be but who could have it.

It had powerful enchantments protecting its material that in the hands of someone, say Severus Snape, could have disastrous consequences.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N  
Sorry it took forever to post.  
But I live in Texas and the hurricane fudged everything down here.  
I mean my house is ok and all but everything is still not in order yet.

* * *

Severus' brain was still numb.

He had spent another night out of bed thanks to the brat.

Just when he had began to actually get accustomed to his ever present presence.

He had even began to enjoy teaching the Brat.  
Well almost if it weren't for the fact that the boy was atrocious when it came to potions, he might, just might fully enjoy teaching him.

The worst part was he had to, absolutely had to, get to breackfast this morning. Yesterday he had skipped lunch and dinner trying to read the journal.  
But today he couldn't skip any meals.  
He was definitely in no mood to go or to have to "socialize" with the rest of the staff.  
But then again if he didn't he would have to render some type of logical explanation to the old bat.

Merlin forbid that happen!

It was enough with the usual line of questions.

_Oh my boy how was your night?  
How has Tom been treating you these days?  
Are you sure you can handle all of this?_

And his usual: _Sometimes I think this strains you a little too much.  
_But then again:_You are a very important element in this war my boy. Without you I truly doubt we have any chance of defeating Him._

So it was that with his usual sour expression that Severus made his way to the great hall.

...

Harry was stressed beyond description.

He hadn't been able to find his journal anywhere.  
He was in no mood or state to eat anything.  
But if he didn't, _again_, Hermione might just have a serious talk with him.  
Something he wasn't willing to put up with _again._

Sometimes he wished he had no one who cared about him.  
Actually most of the time it was nice to know that someone actually cared about him and not what he had to bring to the table.  
But Hermione went to extremes. Extremes that were easy to get fed up with.

He was trying hard to swallow his breakfast. But it was simply not easy.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Snape picking at his food.  
It seemed that the man was having trouble digesting his food as well.

Harry wondered what would happen if the journal fell in Snape's lap.  
Harry knew the man was curious. Of course he would never admit to it. He remembered Snape referring to his curiosity as a thirst for knowledge.

In Harry's mind it all came down to the same thing. The man was curious no matter how hard he tried to mascaraed it with a long strain of well chosen words.

And then both their eyes met.

Harry was overwhelmed with the sense that Snape knew something.  
He just hoped it wasn't what he was thinking.

* * *

A/N

Wow just noticed how pathetically short the other chapter was.

I am so sorry.  
I hope this makes up for it if only a tid bit.


End file.
